Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
