he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
