i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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