He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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