I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
