You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
