I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
