kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
