This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I cut my penus on the lid.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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