walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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