you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
