I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
