Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
