Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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