I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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