Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
