I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
