I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
