Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
