So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
