if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
