Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
