At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
