1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
