i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Terrible idea I love it
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
