i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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