im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
