I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
