You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
