3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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