You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
