My first STD was from a foam party
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
