Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
