yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
