Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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