I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think people are normalizing furries
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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