I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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