I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize