I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize