I met the friendliest cop last night
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
