I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
