yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize