im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
