$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
soo... how was my night?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
