I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
