the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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