is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize