i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
