i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
