um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He better not be in your backpack
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
