When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
