Im at strip club and am horny
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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