He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
