Your face is a jimmy john
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
