conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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