I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize