Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
