summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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