I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
