I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
