Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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