Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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