Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
