Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
