my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
