If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
