Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
