And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
