Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
