he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
