i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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