he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
