True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just high enough for therapy.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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