Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
