It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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