Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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