It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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