yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
