So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
