I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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