I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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