I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
