My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
