I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
