There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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